The Wicked Smile of my Heart

There are all kinds of thoughts going on my mind, always darker. Lately, I started to wonder how dark and obscure can my thought get. Is there any limit? What happen if I reach it? While I become crazy? Or perhaps I am already crazy?

It’s like a spiral going down in the deep of darkness. Creeping shadows all around me, the farther I move, the deeper I go with no way back. What worse, I often enjoy it! But at the end you are alone in your little world.. *Sighs* It probably would not be that bad if people could actually understand without judging my strange thought.

I often see myself as a smiling child with blood stain on his hands. I love the irony of the controversy. *Chuckles*

So, what is going on in my mind? Meheh! Let’s say that I have a… good imagination, and pretty creative mind. When something doesn’t please you, you think about something else! Then again and again, until you find something that might be pleasing. When you explored all the “good” things, you start to explore the other sides.

If something exists, it’s because somehow a human thought about it before you. As an egoist human creature, I do believe that human should do what they really want and live with no regret. Of course, there are all kinds of illegal and criminal act, and one should always be mindful of the consequence of his action.

That being says, I am often unconsciously attracted by some of the darker things, such as blood, darkness, occultism and various taboo. I also love everything that is gothic, pretty and sexy. Add to this my fatalism view on various things and you are sure to find someone that is pretty much…special.

No, my mind and heart do not fit in today society… But as long that the illusion holds, who care?