Marie, The Jukebox

Today I will talk about my ex and now friend, Marie-Eve Paul. There is much I could say about her but I will try to keep it short!

Marie-Eve is an incredible girl with very high love, devotion and passion. When she likes something, she will give all her energy and effort in order to improve it. She is very respectful about everything she likes and takes her responsibility and duty at heart. She is very open minded, generous, social with a good humour sense. She got a very good memory and can remember about everything!

What she loves above everything, except her lover, is music. She like all kind of music but mostly punk and pop rock. She can also remember most music once she heard it and loves to play all guitar hero games, which she is getting pretty good as well. She is also very outgoing and love to share time with her lover and friends. She like simple things, such as shopping with friend or going out to restaurant.

Like all little humans that we are, she got her bad side as well. Her biggest shortcoming is her impulsivity. She can also be quite stubborn when she decides something. However, she is currently working pretty hard on those weaknesses and I do believe that as the time move on, she is getting a better grasp on them. Also being stubborn can have its own advantage as she shows great perseverance in order to get what she want.

Why we are no longer together? Well that a pretty good question as she is really a good girl. However, we did not share the same expectation on the kind of relation we wanted. At the end, it made us both sad and unhappy. Do I regret this relation? No, I am really glad to have shared this time with her. I think we had our share of good and bad times. Also, we both learned much from it and I am really glad to have her as my friend!

Sissi, The Princess

I will now talk about Sissi, one of my best friend and our little princess! To me she looks like an anime characters lost in our world, trying to find her way back home.

She is a great friend that unfortunately lost her self-esteem some time ago. But first, I would like to tell you about how great she is! This girl is always smiling and confronts even the worse situation with optimist approach. She is very funny and has a great humour sense as well. She is very friendly, generous and peoples easily feel comfortable around her. She also has a great imagination!

She is very skilled in drawing manga characters and loves Disney movies and books. She also like princess, cute things and anything pink! She likes to go out and meet her friends but have hard time to make up her mind about her wants and desires. She likes to chat, dance and talk with friends even if they got nothing to say! I do think that she is more social than she think.

That being says, our little princess is suffering from low self-esteem. Unfortunately, this is leading to other trouble such as heavy anxiety, shyness and inability to take proper decision for her well being. This also led to major insomnia which drain a lot of her energy and only make the matter worse as she eat during the night.

In the end, she only wishes to recover her lost self-esteem and fight her anxiety so she can finally feel good about herself and her surrounding. Living each seconds with passion, energy and determination.

Dear little princess, everything is related but you really need to raise your sleeves and seriously grasp the situation. Your self-esteem directly comes from your beliefs, your beliefs about what you think you need to do or who you need to “be” in order to be a person of worth. The most frequent domains in which people frequently derive their self-worth are:
- Virtue
- God’s love
- Support of family
- Academic competence
- Physical attractiveness
- Gaining others’ approval
- Outdoing others in competition

If you base your self-esteem only in a specific domain, it will leave you more vulnerable to negative events that happen to you within that domain.

As for your eating-disorder, this is called binge eating and can lead to depression and lost of self-esteem as you feel guilty. First, you should avoid doing any diets during the day. Fix yourself a schedule and eat 3 times (breakfast, dinner and supper) per day. Make sure that you have everything you need or want during your day meal, including sugar, salt and fat substance.

This is not much but I do hope that it will help our sweet little princess to combat her demons!

Be well dear,

Dan, The Cursed

Today, I decided to talk about one of my best friend, Daniel D’Amico. I must admit that he is not feeling well right now but I wanted to devote this little blog to him.

He is a great friend that is always here to help you when you are in need. However, life is not always fair; in fact, it’s not fair at all. Some time even the best guy finish last and that is the story of his life. However, I would like to first talk about who he is.

Dan is very friendly, social, helpful and resourceful guy. Like me, he got a great sense of humour, open mind and likes to try new things. He is interested in pretty much everything, but he really like to share some times with his friends, role playing games, medieval live events, karaoke, animes and meet new girl. *Chuckles* He is very skilled with computers and its ingenuity allow him to fix most technical issues quickly.

He got a great sense of honor, perhaps a bit to great in fact. He is suffering heavily from his pride. He can be quite stubborn sometime and his pride often leads him to decision that he will regret later. I would describe him as he a mortal that want the power of the god. Because of this, he always strives for the very best. However, this constantly leads him to deception. He wishes for the impossible and the perfection but at the end nothing is perfect.

One side of him wishes to control everything but in reality what he is really seeking is to be accepted by his peer. My dear friend, please know that no amount of power and perfection will ever make you happy. It’s the defects and imperfections of our existence that make our life so colourful and enjoyable. Money and power can makes you famous or popular but true friendships are created with trust and love.

I do hope that you will be able to remove this curse with time. Our ego is and will always be our greatest nemesis.

Please take care of yourself old friend,

Dream Girl

Today I will talk about what attract me the most about girls. First of all, I don’t really like standard blonde girls. I prefer intellectual looking girls with glass.

I really love red hair. I also love exotic colors like pink or purple (or anything you would dare to put in their hair).

I prefer girl that are smaller than me in general. Also, like any guys, I prefer them thin but not too thin either. I like when there is some meats too! *Chuckles*

The visage is one of the most important aspects for me. Their smiles… and eyes… are very important.

I also like piercing, tattoo and anything that allows some expressions of oneself.

I wonder if there is such dreamy girl out there waiting for me… *Dreamy eyes*

Good versus Evil

I already started to talk about this in a previous blog but some might wonder; why be nice and gentle when it’s often easier to can get what you want by being egoist with lie and deception?

The first thing that would come to my mind would be the consequence of your action. When you are taking the dark path you are usually taking greater risk in order to achieve greater reward. A thief that steals a bank can get very rich, but will it succeed? There is always a risk and some consequences as well. What happen if someone find out that you lie your whole life about something he hold dear?

The next one, regret and guilt, is probably the greatest mental threat and is often related to consequence that might happen. No matter if the karma exists or not, everything you do will stay imprinted in your subconscious. Some might like this feeling but most will feel guilty their whole live even for a minor actions.

Now, if you can take the consequence and guilt of your action, be my guest and do it. After all, we only have one life. The most important thing is to have no regret no matter what happen. *Grins*

What I dislike!

I certainly cannot name everything I dislike here... but I sure can name some of them that come in my mind.

I do think that everyone hate lie and illusion... and so do I. However, the world is full of them so their existence is a fact of the life. Sadly, not much can be done to prevent that but to try to be aware of our surrounding.

While I am honest and responsible for my action, I dislike any kinds of obligation and limitation. I am like a fighter of freedom, a dreamer and idealist. I think that everyone is free to do anything they want and are only limited by fact, their perception and the consequence of their actions.

Another thing I dislike is expectation. I think that everyone action should be done because they really want it instead of expecting something to happen. I also believe that human should respect what they have already and learn to live their present moment. Otherwise you are bound to meet deception one day or another.

I also don’t like people that don’t respect, easily judge, racist, not tolerant, and cannot live in harmony with their peers. I believe that each human are unique but equal.

Oh, and one more thing, I dislike turnip and most legumes!

Some more Interests!

Last time I talked about the thing I love. So I wanted to expend it with the things that really interest me.

As a dreamer I am very interested in fantasy, such as elf, air ship and dragon. I am fond of medieval time, like castle and knighthood. I also like what is considered dark and gothic, such as vampire and occultism.

I like technology and science-fiction and have a good affinity with computer in general. I like various games, but mostly role playing game.

But what I love more than anything else are… sexy girls! *Chuckles*

Perhaps there is something that I love?

I was thinking about this… I often dream of the impossible but… I do think there are a few things that I like that are possible! Now, what are those things?

I like… to laughs! I really do, I don’t know what I would do if we were not able to smiles and laughs. I like funny movie and various comedies on TV. However, I dislike everything that is too serious, which of course include drama movie and such.

While I dislike going outdoor alone or in large party, I must admit that I like to share some times with my best friends. I like to receive compliment and approval from those I love. I like to share some interests with my friends or simply try new things! I like to be able to talk to a friend that I trust and being able to say anything I want while knowing that it will never break our friendship.

I also like to cuddle with someone I love. I love pretty and sexy girl. I love sex and to experiment new things! To be told that I am loved and of course to say how I love someone.

I really like anime and manga arts. Sometime, I wish I had skill to draw them!

And of course, I like everything that is fantastic, occult, and mysterious! I like to unravel the main plot of a movie or a game for example. I don’t like when the story is too cheesy or lack of originality.

That all for today folks!

To you dear readers

Today I will talk about you. Yes you heard me well! I would like to thank you all for coming on my little blog. I never had that many visitors! Thank you do much for taking your time to share my pain and thought. Life is far to be easy, it require courage and hardship to fully experience it. We all must do our best, be positive and good thing will happen!

I have been writing all kinds of stuffs, some darker than others, and worry not for as long as I will have some thoughts to share, I shall continue to write them here! Once again, thank you all for coming. I love you all very much and wish you a good reading!

XXX

Looking for a Muse

I decided to post a little ad about the kind of girl that would really love to meet. The truth is that I really love girls so I love to write article about them! *Chuckles*

I like independent yet caring girl. Sexy, mysterious, a bit mischievous and roguish as well that doesn’t hesitate to speak their mind and do what she like when she wants. I am looking for one which we could share a bound of complicity. I firmly believe that woman is complementary to men, not their opposite.

One that love to laughs and smiles. Understanding and being able to take the worse things with a positive attitude, or at least try to. Able to admit their own weakness, for no one is perfect and that is the beauty of it. A girl that isn’t afraid of the dark, to try new things, with a great imagination and open mind.

I don’t want her to be chained to me. I want her to be free like a bird, do whatever she wants, anytime she wants. Of course, she would be reliable enough so we can trust each other! Hopefully, she would accept my quality as well as my shortcoming as I do for her. I really dislike feeling like a weight!

*Dreamy eyes* I really wish I could meet such wonderful girl friend! Perhaps one day! Who know what the future hold for us?

The Duality of my Heart

In my eternal pursuit of my inner self, I found out something quite interesting, yet obvious. It’s called the duality. I have two sides in my heart, a light side and a dark side. Most of my thought on this blog do come from my darkest side. However, this also means that you are only seeing half of my true self as I also have the light side.

Now, I do believe that both sides are important. In fact, my dark side could not exist without my light side and vice versa. It’s a fact that I am attracted by both good and bad things. Humans mind is very complex, we often pursuit thing we dislike or that are unhealthy for us. Some peoples like to hurt themselves, yet we often wonder why.

Need and pleasures are different for everyone, and that is what that is making everyone unique, yet interesting. Personally, I cannot imagine my heart without light or darkness. It would be so... dull, empty and uninteresting. What every humans need to continue to strive are passions, passions are born both from the mysterious darkness and the hope of light.

Darkness or evil, can often been seen as our egoist side. While light or good, would be our altruism side, the desire to do something for the greater good. We need to respect others and live in harmony with those around you (light), yet follow our heart and desire and live the present moment at its fullest (dark).

Some will tilt toward one side or another. As for me, I am probably more on the dark side. However, I understand how important they both are and aren’t afraid to explore any of them.

It’s important to note that no matter who we are, we are bound to meet deception one day or another. However, I believe that in better understanding oneself, we can avoid much mindless pain and sorrow.

A Walk in the Park

Tonight, I decided to follow Nerma advice and went out of my house to the nearby park. The first thing I noticed was how cold the wind was but I decided to move forward.

The park was well decorated with Christmas lights everywhere in the trees and small huts. There was some music in the background as well but otherwise was pretty much empty. So I decided to continue my walk and moved to the next park which was a bit farther.

When I arrived, the place was pretty dark, cold and barren, like my heart. So I sited on a swing, lost in my mind, I stayed there for about 15 minutes. I was thinking about all and nothing, but probably more of the later. I could barely see the moon through the cloud as I was looking at the sky. As the cold wind was caressing my skin I finally decided to move out of here. This place was way too depressing; it was cold and made me feel even more lonely!

So I decided to go back to home. I must admit that I was happy to find the warm and comfort of my house. Going out alone at this time of the years is really not for me!

Magic, where are you?

I really wish that magic would exist in our world. I would fly from place to place and live a care free life. I would create anything I want just with my sheer thought! And, I would travel through time to see things that no one ever seen.

Yes, that would be so sweet… I would be a trickster, disappearing when people less expect it. Would I use my power for the greater good, my friend or myself? Well, probably all of them!

When I would be bored, I would create some illusions to distract me and I would summon some creatures to clean my house! *Laughs*

Of course, if someone would dare to mess with me, I would send him in another plane of existence for a few years, so he can think about it. *Evil laughs*

*Thinks* I wonder how long it would last before I really got bored thought. Also, having everything I ever wanted, what else I would do?

A Sick Angel

Dear little angel, I hope you are resting well. As you are currently sick, I would like to send you all my energy in order to help you to recover as fast as possible. I hope that you will think about me as well during your rest.

I only wish I could be there to take care of you. Until we meet again. To you that try to heal my black heart, I wish you happiness.

Some Thoughts for my Angel

I must admit that my soul did find some peace after you left. I really enjoyed talking with you and hope that we will do it again soon. The positive energy that you emit is simply amazing. It looks like that no matter how difficult a challenge is for you, you never despair. You keep it up and always do your best.

I.. I never saw someone with such powerful positive energy. You remind me of Belldandy, a wonderful and ever cheerful goddess in “Oh My Goddess!”. Just like you, she is lovely, caring and always gets what she wants. *Grins*

None have been that far to help me… Sometime I wonder why are you doing this for me. We are completely different and don’t share any interests either. Yet, you are giving all your energy just so my soul can get some rest. When you say that you would think about me even during your sleep it really touched me. I will think about you as well.

For that I would like to thank you. Thank you for everything.

A Little Angel

Today I gonna talk about my friend Nerma. She is like a little angel trying to help me. Our thoughts are very different but it doesn’t matter for her. She is incredibly positive and firmly believes that I can enjoy thing like anyone else.

She is not afraid by the darkness of my heart and is ready to confront them head on. She love to laughs, is very social, understanding and likes to make new friend too. At the end, we both want the same thing; enjoying every seconds of our live to its fullest.

She often talks to me about another world, her little world where everything is beautiful. Tell me sweet little angel, does this heaven really exist? Will I ever see it?

Will you be able to help me where everyone else failed?

Only time will tell, until then let’s keep hope.

La Sexualité

Alors que je me demandais quel bon sujet je pourrais choisir pour aujourd’hui, je me suis dit, pourquoi ne pas parler de sexe ? Ca fera changement à mes ténèbres qui me hante continuellement et ca entre un peu dans le contexte général du blog.

Des fois le monde ne réalise pas a quel point le sexe est un élément important non seulement dans la relation de couple mais également pour la sante mental de l’individu. C’est également un élément fortement médiatisé de nos jours. Pratiquement impossible de trouver une belle photo de personnage sexy sur Internet sans avoir une fille complètement tout nu quelques part dans l’image !

Sur Internet on y retrouve toute sorte de sites. Certain pourront même choquer certain d’entre vous. D’autre part, il ne faut pas ce le cacher, s’il y a autant de pornographie sur Internet c’est qu’il y a une certaine demande.

Il est également bon de noter que le sexe a souvent été considérer comme un sujet tabou, particulièrement a cause de l’église qui cherchais à contrôler la population. Mais lorsqu’on n’y pense, notre sexe n’est qu’une partie de notre corps comme les autres. Et à moins que ca sois au dépend d’une autre personne, le fait d’avoir du plaisir n’est certainement pas mal.

Je ne dis pas qu’il faudrait médiatiser le sexe encore plus qu’il l’es, mais je ne pense pas non plus que ca devrais être vu comme quelques choses de mal. Je pense aussi que le monde ne devrait pas hésiter à en parler avec leur partenaire car c’est un aspect qui est important dans une relation durable.

Personnellement, j’adore tout ce qui est sensuel et séduisant. Il ne fait aucun doute que j’adore les femmes, leurs silhouettes, leurs traits fins, leurs sourires, leurs courbes... Par contre, je pense qu’il est important dans un couple que les partenaires ce trouve attirer l’un a l’autre autant au niveau physique qu’intérieur.

Honnêtement j’ai trouvé beaucoup de belle image d’anime très sexy que j’adorerais mettre sur ce blog, mais je pense qu’ils sont légèrement trop osé pour les mettre pour l’instant. Peut être une autre fois ! *Sourit*

Le Retour de la Bête

Le démon observe la lune rouge puis rugit puissamment. Tous pouvaient ressentir sa fureur. Ils savaient ce qu’il allait arriver mais personne ne pouvez les protéger. La bête s’avance alors tranquillement dans la rue ricanant alors que le monde hurle et cour dans toutes les directions.

Le démon pli ses jambes puis d’un simple saut ce rend devant un homme qui tien un sac d’épicerie. Paralyser par la peur, l’homme échappe son sac alors que la créature l’examine de ces yeux vicieux. L’homme ce retourne afin de courir mais les immenses griffes perforante de la bête déchire son torse, telle une faucheuse.

Le corps tombe au pied du démon, ce vidant rapidement de son sang alors que la créature lèche ces longues griffes ensanglanté. Son regard percent se retourne rapidement vers une nouvelle proie. Le carnage ne fait que commencer… mais finira t’il un jour ?

The Irony of Life

Life is, if anything, very ironic to me. This is actually quite simple. I believe in the philosophy that we call hedonism. I think that pleasure is the only thing that is good for a person. However, I am also suffering from anhedonia, the inability to derive pleasure from experiences that are typically considered pleasurable.

So basically, it feels like I am in stasis, stopped in time, waiting forever for something that is never coming. No wonder I am getting tired and bored of this game. How much longer I will have to wait before I can enjoy the life like everyone else? 1.. 2.. 5 years? *Sighs*

I sure hope it will be worth the wait.

The Perfect Girl Friend

My perfect girl friend would be like… Etna from Disgaea! Mysterious, wicked but caring with those she like. Ready to backstab you but all for the good cause of course! *Chuckles* Be sure she like you, because she is very vengeful and stubborn. You definitely want her on your side!

She is cute, yet devilish at the same time. I love her eyes, catty mouth and pointy ears. Red hair to boot! A bit impulsive and self confident, you are sure that no matter where you go, you are in for some actions. I might add that I love her clothing as well, very sexy! She does have a small breast, but I think that go very well with the character.

The Wicked Smile of my Heart

There are all kinds of thoughts going on my mind, always darker. Lately, I started to wonder how dark and obscure can my thought get. Is there any limit? What happen if I reach it? While I become crazy? Or perhaps I am already crazy?

It’s like a spiral going down in the deep of darkness. Creeping shadows all around me, the farther I move, the deeper I go with no way back. What worse, I often enjoy it! But at the end you are alone in your little world.. *Sighs* It probably would not be that bad if people could actually understand without judging my strange thought.

I often see myself as a smiling child with blood stain on his hands. I love the irony of the controversy. *Chuckles*

So, what is going on in my mind? Meheh! Let’s say that I have a… good imagination, and pretty creative mind. When something doesn’t please you, you think about something else! Then again and again, until you find something that might be pleasing. When you explored all the “good” things, you start to explore the other sides.

If something exists, it’s because somehow a human thought about it before you. As an egoist human creature, I do believe that human should do what they really want and live with no regret. Of course, there are all kinds of illegal and criminal act, and one should always be mindful of the consequence of his action.

That being says, I am often unconsciously attracted by some of the darker things, such as blood, darkness, occultism and various taboo. I also love everything that is gothic, pretty and sexy. Add to this my fatalism view on various things and you are sure to find someone that is pretty much…special.

No, my mind and heart do not fit in today society… But as long that the illusion holds, who care?

The Vampire Lament

I slowly wake up from my slumber. I yawn as I stretch my arms then open my eyes. Everything is gray around me. I take a peek at the window. I can see the world growing, evolving, people’s laughs and cries.

There are so many pretty things… so many colors. Why I cannot touch them? What is going on in this hollow heart?

I softly sigh before turning my back from this reality that isn’t mine. The soft song of sorrow slowly call me back as I close my eyes back to sleep..

Une Muse pour mon Cœur

Hier, j’ai ressentie un frison parcourir tout mon corps alors que j’ai pensé qu’un jour je pourrais ressentir le même plaisir de satisfaction que tous avons en nous. Puis, je n’ai pas dormie de la nuit. Mon cœur battant terriblement vite, probablement d’anxiété. Est-ce l’espoir que j’avais oublié depuis si longtemps qui resurgie? L’espoir d’acquérir cette joie de vivre? Cette petite lumière, cachée au fond des ténèbres?

Est-ce qu’un jour je prendrais part a cette réalité ? Gouter au plaisir de la vie, au plaisir que l’on ressent en voyant ceux qu’on aime, en ressentant le vent caresser notre peau, en explorant de nouvelle place et de nouveau lieu, en fessant part de a nouvelle expérience ou même en dégustant nos mets préférer…

Des fois, tout ce que l’on n’a de besoin ce n’est que d’une âme humaine proche pour nous comprendre et réchauffer notre cœur froid et vide. Une petite muse pour nettoyer les larmes de notre cœur.

J’en ai tellement hâte que chaque minute de mon existence me paraît être comme une éternité.

Le plaisir

Qu’est-ce que le plaisir ? D’où provient-il ? Selon mon ami Wikipedia, le plaisir serait le nom générique de la satisfaction d’un besoin physique, affectif ou intellectuel ou encore de l’exercice harmonieux d’une fonction vitale.

La satisfaction… intéressant quand j’y pense. Enfaite, je suis rarement satisfait. Mais pourquoi cela ? Et même que je me sens généralement plus moi-même dans une atmosphère sombre et ténébreux qu’a essayer d’être heureux.

Ce que je trouve triste c’est que beaucoup de monde souffre de véritable dépression mais ne sont pas traiter correctement, ce qui peut empirer leur cas et les mener au bord du gouffre. Il n’y a rien de pire que de s’apercevoir que personne ne nous comprend, surtout ceux qu’on n’aime.

Que feriez-vous si vous ne ressentirez aucun plaisir ? Aucune passion ? Ou sentiment de satisfaction ? Que tout serait sombre, vide, froid et dénué de sens autour de vous. *Soupire*

Malheureusement, c’est une maladie qui est réel et plus de monde que vous ne le croyez en souffre. Souvent ils le cachent en eu alors que d’autre au contraire, vont tenter de l’exprimer ouvertement.

La majorité va tenter d’oublier ce vide en occupant leur esprit avec d’autres choses, généralement une dépendance. D’autre préférons l’affronter directement. Évidement, avec le temps, on s'écarte tranquillement de la réalité a un point que certain créeront lors propre univers.

Lorsque vous en souffrez pour une longue période vous commencer à vous questionner. Qu’est-ce qui pourrait être plaisant pour vous ? Et c’est a force de ce questionné que les idées les plus obscures commencent à faire surface dans notre esprit. Lorsque l’on les mets a l’œuvre, ils arrivent que cela fonctionne, mais alors nous devenons esclave de ces faits et gestes. Dans le cas contraires, nous continuons à chercher, à approfondir nos idées sombres… toujours à la recherche de ce plaisir tant convoité.

Ou est passé mon monde magique ?

Cela fait maintenant plus de 10 ans que la réalité a dévoilé sont véritable visage à mes yeux. Que mon monde c’est écroulé comme un château de carte. L’insouciance, l’innocence, l’inconscience, une fois perdu, ce sont des choses que l’on ne peut plus récupérer.

Les idées tournent en rond dans ma tête, me demandant ce qui ne va pas. Puis, je me questionne : Est-ce moi qui ne suis pas normal ? Pourquoi est-ce que tout est aussi… morose ?

Tranquillement avec le temps, mon cœur et mon esprit s’érodent… le vide prend plus de place et tout semble perdre leurs sens. Un jour je me lève et je regarde ce monde qui m’est devenu complètement aliéné. Le monde autour de moi mange, travail, dors et bouge dans toutes les directions. Non seulement je ne sais plus ou je vais ou ni même comment, mais surtout, je commence à me questionner, pourquoi ?

Je tente d’oublier toute ces questions et commence à suivre le courant. Certain diront que nous sommes ici afin d’évoluer. Ah, parce que je vais devenir une espèce de super mutant ? Meh ! D’autres favoriserons le coter plus libertin, comme quoi nous devons en profiter au maximum…

Attendez, vous voulez dire qu’il faut que je travail afin de pouvoir avoir une place ou habiter et de quoi manger afin de pouvoir vivre et de pouvoir profiter de la vie ? Laisser moi reformuler cela autrement. On doit travailler afin d’espérer d’avoir assez de temps et d’argent pour en profiter. N’est ce pas génial la vie ?

Mais heureusement pour moi, j’ai le temps et l’argent mais pourtant… tout semble si vide et dénué de sens. *Soupire*

Quand on n’y pense, rien n’a jamais eu de sens. Tout comme, la perception de la réalité, le temps ou les divinités, ce sont des concepts qui ont été inventé par les humains. Donc, si rien n’a de sens et qu’on n’a aucun attachement a quoi que ce sois, qu’est-ce qui nous reste ?

L’espoir ? L’amour ? Ces émotions ou pulsion ressenti par tous les êtres humains. Ces sentiments inexplicable mais présent partout autour de nous. La possibilité de s’attacher à une personne avec une telle passion que votre vie prendrait tout son sens.

Si l’amour serait si simple, personne ne tromperait ou briserait leur relation. Mais nous sommes des êtres égoïstes, constamment insatisfait et c’est pour ca que nous ne pouvons pas s’attacher éternellement une autre personne.

Alors qu’est-ce qui reste ? Le vide… un vide qui s’agrandi tranquillement avec le temps, que l’on en prend conscience ou non. Et avec comme seule lueur, l’espoir, qui sois illusoire ou non, c’est tout ce qu’ils nous restent alors nous nous y accrochons.

Les Chaines de l'Humanité

Aujourd’hui, j’ai remarqué que j’avais un certain attrait aux chaines que certaine personnes ou personnages de fiction porte. Je pense qu’elle on une signification très précise.

Il est évidant que la signification de ces chaines sera différente pour tous et chacun. Toutefois, je pense que cela représente une certaine passion et dévotion secrète. Esclaves de ses passions et dévotions, est-ce bien, ou mal ?

Notre monde est rempli de rêve, des rêves innocents ou irréalistes et d'autres qui au contraire sont très réalistes. Je pense que ces chaines agissent comme un focus a cette expression de soi. Elles représentent une certaine exclusion de la réalité que tous projetons sur les autres. Elles représentent aussi le démon qui dors en nous et qui veux ce réveiller.

A la fin, nous sommes maitres de nos rêves, de notre créativité et imagination. C’est à nous de façonner notre propre réalité et de faire en sorte qu’elle devient réelle à nos yeux. Peut importe ce que vous penser, n’oubliez pas que l’être humain est un être égoïste. Qu’il en soit conscient ou inconscient dépend pour chaque individu. Il est très important de suivre nos passions toute en acceptant les conséquences et de vivre sans regret pour nous même avant tout.

Le Chant de la Melancolie

Seul dans les ténèbres tu marche... le cœur arraché.

Un vide tellement grand que même ta plus grande passion n’a plus d’intérêt a tes yeux.

Une haine tellement grande que tu ne souhaite pas la mort de ceux que tu as aimé simplement pour les voir souffrir.

Un désespoir si grand que les ténèbres te semblerai préférable a tout ce qui t’entour.

Aucun passé car tu la déjà oublié, aucun future car tu n’a plus de rêve. Juste un simple présent, froid et inerte. Un cœur remplie d'illusion, de déception et de mensonge.

Être abandonné puis oublié par les seules personnes que tu as aimées. N’avoir personne pour te réchauffer ou t’accompagner.

Seul dans le néant, un vent glacial passe alors que je m’éteins tranquillement a petit feu. Incertain de ce que je recherche, de l’attention, de l’affection ou simplement une personne qui puisse me comprendre, je continue à errer tel un fantôme sur ces terres.

Si vous trouvez mon cœur, je vous prie de me le redonner. Merci.

The Demon

Inside the heart, the demon roar with rage like a restless beast. He is tired of waiting, he want blood tonight. It's heart is cold and emotionless. He care for nothing but it's own pleasure. He stare at the horizon with it's blazing red eyes.

Everything seem like a easy prey for him. However, heavy black metal chains restrain him. Like some kind of hellish jail, he is confined to this place for the eternity. Should he ever get free, he would devour the soul of it's owner before laying waste around him. Destroy everything he ever loved then dooming him to eternal damnation.

The beast roar once more as it try to free itself from the chains. Darkness, emptiness, loneliness and sadness all fill the heart of it's owner. Each seconds the heart is weakening, bringing him closer to it's freedom.

However, it's owner know better than that. While it would pain himself to do so, he would rather die than leaving the beast rampant.

Moi, tout simplement

Je vais vous parlez un peu de moi, de mes quelques bon côté, question de faire changement aux plaintes de mon cœur.

Je suis une personne avec un esprit très ouvert et curieux. Rêveur, j'aime démystifier les énigmes de l'univers. J'adore rire et philosopher sur pratiquement n'importe quoi! J'adore également tout ce qui est absurde et j'avoue être un peu controversé à l'occasion.

J'aime beaucoup la musique, en particulier le punk rock. J'aime aussi les comédiens Québécois, comme François Pérusse et Real Béland. J'aime rêvasser sur diverses choses ou crée mes propre théories et conspirations.

Je suis une personne à la fois timide et franche, qui n'hésite pas à dire ce qu'il ressent, pour le meilleur et le pire. J'ai une passion particulière pour tout ce qui est occulte, paranormal, sombre, gothique ou tabou.

J'aime manger pratiquement n'importe quoi à l'exception des légumineuses et quelques légumes, comme les navets. J'aime particulièrement les côtes levées, crevettes à l'ail, soumarins ainsi qu'une variété de choses malsaine pour la santé. Finalement, j'adore les cerises!

Physiquement, je mesure 5'5", et pèse environ 150 lbs. J’ai les cheveux et yeux bruns. Le monde me dît souvent que je ressemble à Jim Carrey.

Je pense que c'est un bon résumé de qui je suis. Si vous désirez en connaitre d'avantage ou simplement chatter, je vous invite tous à me contacter par courriel ou MSN a Mirador101@hotmail.com

Lyric: Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

That the last one for today. This one really show how I am feeling right now. Boulevard Of Broken Dreams by Green Day.

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Lyric: Fat Lip

I really like the rhythm of that one, it's Fat Lip also know as Casualty of Society by Sum 41.

Storming through the party like my name was El Niño
When I'm hanging out drinking in the back of an El Camino
As a kid, I was a skid and no one knew me by name.
I trashed my own house party cause nobody came.

I know I'm not the one you thought you knew back in high school
Never going, never showing up when we had to.
attention that we crave don't tell us to behave,
I'm sick of always hearing act your age.

I don't want to waste my time
become another casualty of society.
I'll never fall in line
Become another victim of your conformity
And back down.

Because you don't
Know us at all we laugh when old people fall.
But what would you expect with a conscience so small.
Heavy metal and mullets it's how we were raised.
Maiden and Priest were the gods that we praised

Cause we like having fun at other peoples expense and,
Cutting people down is just a minor offense then,
It's none of your concern, I guess I'll never learn.
I'm sick of being told to wait my turn.

I don't want to waste my time
become another casualty of society.
I'll never fall in line
Become another victim of your conformity
And back down.

Don't count on me, to let you know when.
Don't count on me, I'll do it again.
Don't count on me, it's the point you're missing.
Don't count on me, cause I'm not listening.

Well I'm a no goodnick lower middle class brat,
Back packed and I don't give a shit about nothing.
You be standing on the corner talking all that kufuffin.
But you don't make sense from all the gas you be huffing.
Cause if the egg don't stain you'll be ringing off the hook,
You're on the hit list wanted in the telephone book.
I like songs with distortion, to drink in proportion.
The doctor* said my mom should have had an abortion.

I don't want to waste my time
become another casualty of society.
I'll never fall in line
Become another victim of your conformity
And back down.

Waste my time with them
Casualty of society.
Waste my time again,
Victim of your conformity
And back down.

Lyric: Dead!

My Chemical Romance is without doubt my favorite music group, so here the lyric of a song that I really like from them, Dead!

Yeah!

And if your heart stops beating
I'll be here wondering did you get what you deserve?
The ending of your life
And if you get to heaven
I'll be here waiting, babe
Did you get what you deserve?
The end, and if your life won't wait
Then your heart can't take this

Have you heard the news that you're dead?
No one ever had much nice to say
I think they never liked you anyway
Oh take me from the hospital bed
Wouldn't it be grand? It ain't exactly what you planned.
And wouldn't it be great If we were dead?
Ohh dead.

Tongue-tied and oh so squeamish
You never fell in love
Did you get what you deserve?
The ending of your life
And if you get to heaven
I'll be here waiting, babe
Did you get what you deserve?
The end, and if your life won't wait
Then your heart can't take this

Have you heard the news that you're dead?
No one ever had much nice to say
I think they never liked you anyway
Oh take me from the hospital bed
Wouldn't it be grand to take a pistol by the hand?
And wouldn't it be great if we were dead?

And in my honest observation
During this operation
Found a complication in your heart
So long, 'Cause now you've got (now you've got)
Maybe just two weeks to live
Is that the most the both of you can give?

One, two, one two three four!

LA LA LA LA LA!
LA LA LA LA LA LA!
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!
Well come on,

LA LA LA LA LA!
LA LA LA LA LA LA!
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!
Oh motherfucker,

If life ain't just a joke (LA LA LA LA LA!)
Then why are we laughing? (LA LA LA LA LA LA!)
If life ain't just a joke (LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!)
Then why are we laughing?

If life ain't just a joke (LA LA LA LA LA!)
Then why are we laughing? (LA LA LA LA LA LA!)
If life ain't just a joke (LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!)
Then why am I dead?
DEAD!

Lyric: Miss Murder

Today I thought that I would post the lyric of some of my favorite songs, so I decided to start with Miss Murder from AFI.

Hey Miss Murder can I,
Hey Miss Murder can I,
Make beauty stay if I
Take my life?

With just a look they shook,
And heavens bowed before him,
Simply a look can break your heart.

The stars that pierced the sky,
He left them all behind,
We’re left to wonder why,
He left us all
Behind.

Hey Miss Murder can I,
Hey Miss Murder can I,
Make beauty stay if I
Take my life?

Dreams of his crash won’t pass,
Oh how they all adored him,
Beauty will last when spiraled down.

The stars that mystifed,
He left them all behind.
And how his children cried,
He left us all
Behind.

Hey Miss Murder can I,
Hey Miss Murder can I,
Make beauty stay if I
Take my life?

What's the hook, the twist,
Within this verbose mystery?
I would gladly bet my life upon it.

That the ghost you love, your ray of light,
Will fizzle out,
Without hope.

We're the empty set just floating through,
wraped in skin.
Ever searching for what we were promised.
Reaching for the golden ring we'd never let go,
Who would ever let us put our filthy hands upon it?

Hey Miss Murder can I,
Hey Miss Murder can I,
Make beauty stay if I
Take my life?

Hey Miss Murder can I,
Hey Miss Murder can I,
Make beauty stay if I
Take my life?

Another gloomy day

Here we are, just another wretched day like all other. *Sighs deeply* But hey, I have a reason to be so negative this month! It's well know that November is the worse month for depression. If only it would last only one month..

So anyway, I am lying down, resting alone as time flies. Counting every hours, every minutes, every seconds.. Well I usually don't count seconds, time is long enough like that. But seriously, there is so many thing we can do, yet so meaningless at the same time. Giving a meaning to some thing so I actually want to do it is probably one of my greatest weakness.

Imagine if someone would remove all meanings from everything you have, want or hold dear. This is how I am feeling right now. Doing nothing as nothing matter to me, just waiting for another day to finish..

So here, I am trying my best to give some meaning to this blog, even if I only had 3 visitors so far. In the end, I suppose that the main goal is to express myself, which I am doing pretty well I guess. Sometime I reread what I wrote and a small smiles appear in my face. I amaze myself with the time and effort I put in this little blog. However, I often wish I had more interesting thing to write about.

Black and White; Love and Hate

I think that someone cannot even understand how close love is to hate if they did not lost someone they cherished because of her action and hidden lie. Truth might hurt but lie destroy. As soon as you lie to someone, you break it's trust and then the relation you have with him.

Ironically, the one that I loved the most is also the one I hate the most. Every single thing make me think about this person and how sweet was the illusion I was living in. And with that, come the deception, the deception that everything was fake.

Sorrow is all that come to me when I think about this and the only thing that can stench my sadness is this strange hate. I can only hope that one day she will feel like I am right now.

I hope that with time I will be able to erase her from my memory like she did for me.

That girl side of mine

As I was resting in my bed yesterday, I was thinking about this... While I am a geek and kinda hardcore gamer I really have some girlish side in me. It's pretty hard to explain but sometime I have such strange thoughts about girl.

I admire them so very much that sometime I am even jealous of them. They are beautiful, sexy and so attractive. You just want to cuddle and feel their warm body against your or your lips on their. *Sighs deeply*

Sometime I feel like I am some gray stone looking for diamond, or Gollum looking for his precious (Lord Of The Ring). But honestly, I am so envious of the very charm that every girl have. I know that girl have their share of own trouble but still... I guess that some could say that I have low esteem of myself, and while not totally false, my vision could probably apply to every men I know.

Yes, that might sound weird but I kinda wish I was born as a girl.

Breaking my skin

Since I made that blog about me being a vampire I got myself thinking: what do my blood taste like? Of course, the easiest way would be to cut myself but actually, it's not that easy when you never done that.

Also, if you are not careful, you probably can catch some sickness. Still I was wondering about it so I wanted to test. I started with a knife on my wrist. However, the cold iron could not break my skin easily, it was more painful than anything else. Perhaps the knife was not enough sharp or I did not put enough pressure. I mean, I am sure you can bleed with about anything, even with a spoon, but you need to be pretty minded to success with that.

At the end, I only ended with redness and some irritations. The next day I tested with a razor blade then a needle. Again, I ended with some more irritations and could not do much with the needle.

Perhaps I still lack of focus and willpower for that at this time, or I am not using the correct tool. *sighs* Yet, that question is still in my head: What do it taste? I can only guess that I will have to try harder the next time.

To love or not to love

Sometime I wonder what kind of person I would like to be with. Someone which I could trust, share my thought and with who we could travel together in this wretched world. This is not easy as deception is sure to come no matter what and the greater your passion and devotion toward someone, the worse it feel.

At first I thought about someone kind of like me, open minded, with great humor sense, understanding, honest, a bit dreamy, that like simple thing, that aren't afraid of dark and who share the same interests as mine, such as music, anime and Internet. But then, when you think about it, you will see that the odd to find such girl is so low that it's anything but a dream. Also, should I find such person, it would be too easy for me to devote myself to her which would only lead to deeper deception at the end.

Today, most girl want to travel, have a house with children, go out in concert, etc. Well there is nothing wrong with that, but I don't need this to be happy. All I need is to be loved for who I am.

So I was thinking, what should I do then? Perhaps I should search the other way. What if I find a nice girl to be with, no matter her interest or passion. We could share some times together, having someone we trust in our life but without interfering with each other passion and interest.

So, rather to be the center of our universe, we could simply share some parts of our little world. We could see each other but it should never interfere with friendship, family, work, etc. When I think about it, it would be kinda like a mix of best friend and lover without the obligation of the last one.

Well, that the main idea. Perhaps it's unrealistic idea, well that would not be the first time either! In the end, I know that there will be pain and deception no matter what kind of relation we are in, but still I think it could worth a try.

A virtual life

If you did read my previous blog, you probably remember that I already talked about MMORPG (which stand for Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game). Those MMORPG games are like small virtual reality. Each games are different but at the end, in most of them you command a character that can do various actions, such as moving around and talking with other users pretty much like real life.

So I guess that in some ways, those smaller worlds are like the real world. That probably one of the few good things I will say about this world, at least you can try different smaller worlds, even if they are only virtual and temporary.

In fact, when you think about it, the real life is temporary too and is as virtual as anything else. Actually something virtual is something that is not real. But what is real? The software is real no? What do we know about our whole existance, perhaps we are not even real? Just like any virtual games, life is full of illusion.

Of course, real life actions and consequences are more likely to affect any virtual worlds than the inverse as the virtual world is part of real life while real life aren't part of any virtual world (except perhaps one that is much bigger, but what do we know about it?). At the end, it's only a hobbit, a time killer, something to distract our mind. But then, what is life? Aren't we here to have some fun as well, to enjoy our stay?

It's easy to change a game you don't enjoy, but life is a whole other story.

Perhaps I am some kinds of Vampire?

No, I don't drink blood. Well, at least not the one from random peoples *Chuckles*. But after talking with one of my friend I noticed some things quite interesting about how I am.

It seem like I feed on some kinds of energy from peoples around me. Those that are happy and positive slowly become depressive and usually end up in not wanted to see or talk to me. In the end I usually don't get too well with them anyway.

However, the inverse is also true! It seem that dark minded and negative peoples spark my mind with some interest and strange energy. It make me somewhat happier inside my heart, perhaps because I see someone that think like I do.

I consider myself like some kinds of philosopher, I am often lost in my own thought and strange dark theories but when I see someone that don't think I am just some crazy guy but instead involve oneself into the story and theory, a little smiles appear in my face *Grins*.

Sadly for me, those kind of peoples are just too rare around me. You know, when I think about it... it's quite strange that optimist peoples aren't able to support me but pessimist one do!

Now, if that is not enough to be called a vampire, I guess I just have to go on some dark street dressed in black and drink someone else blood! *Evil Grins*