Cry and Hate

As if a day could not get worse, here we go. I was crying a lot yesterday night as I was alone in my bed, thinking about those I love until I finally notice how I really hate them. My heart grow as black as the coal and cold as stone. All this lost passion transformed into pure hate.

Somehow, I think I can understand how a psychotic killer can feel. Media often cover them as crazy persons, and perhaps some parts of them are really crazy, just like me. When I think about anyone, only one thing come to my mind, how much I hate them. And it's the only thing that seem to stench my sorrow.

Being alone have it's own advantage, such as no need to hold this stupid illusion to everyone. But in the end, you are still alone, alone against the whole world and this can weight heavily on your shoulders.

I... I don't think there is any words that could explain this hatred. I am lonely, yet I hate everything that could make me happy. It feel so empty from the inside. Life feel like a lose-lose situation. No matter what I do, I lose.

*Sighs deeply* I know, I keep repeating myself in my blog and it's probably not that interesting but that how I feel and I want to express it as much as I can. After all, in the end this blog will probably the only true thing left in this world of lie about me.