samedi 29 novembre 2008

Le plaisir

Qu’est-ce que le plaisir ? D’où provient-il ? Selon mon ami Wikipedia, le plaisir serait le nom générique de la satisfaction d’un besoin physique, affectif ou intellectuel ou encore de l’exercice harmonieux d’une fonction vitale.

La satisfaction… intéressant quand j’y pense. Enfaite, je suis rarement satisfait. Mais pourquoi cela ? Et même que je me sens généralement plus moi-même dans une atmosphère sombre et ténébreux qu’a essayer d’être heureux.

Ce que je trouve triste c’est que beaucoup de monde souffre de véritable dépression mais ne sont pas traiter correctement, ce qui peut empirer leur cas et les mener au bord du gouffre. Il n’y a rien de pire que de s’apercevoir que personne ne nous comprend, surtout ceux qu’on n’aime.

Que feriez-vous si vous ne ressentirez aucun plaisir ? Aucune passion ? Ou sentiment de satisfaction ? Que tout serait sombre, vide, froid et dénué de sens autour de vous. *Soupire*

Malheureusement, c’est une maladie qui est réel et plus de monde que vous ne le croyez en souffre. Souvent ils le cachent en eu alors que d’autre au contraire, vont tenter de l’exprimer ouvertement.

La majorité va tenter d’oublier ce vide en occupant leur esprit avec d’autres choses, généralement une dépendance. D’autre préférons l’affronter directement. Évidement, avec le temps, on s'écarte tranquillement de la réalité a un point que certain créeront lors propre univers.

Lorsque vous en souffrez pour une longue période vous commencer à vous questionner. Qu’est-ce qui pourrait être plaisant pour vous ? Et c’est a force de ce questionné que les idées les plus obscures commencent à faire surface dans notre esprit. Lorsque l’on les mets a l’œuvre, ils arrivent que cela fonctionne, mais alors nous devenons esclave de ces faits et gestes. Dans le cas contraires, nous continuons à chercher, à approfondir nos idées sombres… toujours à la recherche de ce plaisir tant convoité.

vendredi 28 novembre 2008

Ou est passé mon monde magique ?

Cela fait maintenant plus de 10 ans que la réalité a dévoilé sont véritable visage à mes yeux. Que mon monde c’est écroulé comme un château de carte. L’insouciance, l’innocence, l’inconscience, une fois perdu, ce sont des choses que l’on ne peut plus récupérer.

Les idées tournent en rond dans ma tête, me demandant ce qui ne va pas. Puis, je me questionne : Est-ce moi qui ne suis pas normal ? Pourquoi est-ce que tout est aussi… morose ?

Tranquillement avec le temps, mon cœur et mon esprit s’érodent… le vide prend plus de place et tout semble perdre leurs sens. Un jour je me lève et je regarde ce monde qui m’est devenu complètement aliéné. Le monde autour de moi mange, travail, dors et bouge dans toutes les directions. Non seulement je ne sais plus ou je vais ou ni même comment, mais surtout, je commence à me questionner, pourquoi ?

Je tente d’oublier toute ces questions et commence à suivre le courant. Certain diront que nous sommes ici afin d’évoluer. Ah, parce que je vais devenir une espèce de super mutant ? Meh ! D’autres favoriserons le coter plus libertin, comme quoi nous devons en profiter au maximum…

Attendez, vous voulez dire qu’il faut que je travail afin de pouvoir avoir une place ou habiter et de quoi manger afin de pouvoir vivre et de pouvoir profiter de la vie ? Laisser moi reformuler cela autrement. On doit travailler afin d’espérer d’avoir assez de temps et d’argent pour en profiter. N’est ce pas génial la vie ?

Mais heureusement pour moi, j’ai le temps et l’argent mais pourtant… tout semble si vide et dénué de sens. *Soupire*

Quand on n’y pense, rien n’a jamais eu de sens. Tout comme, la perception de la réalité, le temps ou les divinités, ce sont des concepts qui ont été inventé par les humains. Donc, si rien n’a de sens et qu’on n’a aucun attachement a quoi que ce sois, qu’est-ce qui nous reste ?

L’espoir ? L’amour ? Ces émotions ou pulsion ressenti par tous les êtres humains. Ces sentiments inexplicable mais présent partout autour de nous. La possibilité de s’attacher à une personne avec une telle passion que votre vie prendrait tout son sens.

Si l’amour serait si simple, personne ne tromperait ou briserait leur relation. Mais nous sommes des êtres égoïstes, constamment insatisfait et c’est pour ca que nous ne pouvons pas s’attacher éternellement une autre personne.

Alors qu’est-ce qui reste ? Le vide… un vide qui s’agrandi tranquillement avec le temps, que l’on en prend conscience ou non. Et avec comme seule lueur, l’espoir, qui sois illusoire ou non, c’est tout ce qu’ils nous restent alors nous nous y accrochons.

Les Chaines de l'Humanité

Aujourd’hui, j’ai remarqué que j’avais un certain attrait aux chaines que certaine personnes ou personnages de fiction porte. Je pense qu’elle on une signification très précise.

Il est évidant que la signification de ces chaines sera différente pour tous et chacun. Toutefois, je pense que cela représente une certaine passion et dévotion secrète. Esclaves de ses passions et dévotions, est-ce bien, ou mal ?

Notre monde est rempli de rêve, des rêves innocents ou irréalistes et d'autres qui au contraire sont très réalistes. Je pense que ces chaines agissent comme un focus a cette expression de soi. Elles représentent une certaine exclusion de la réalité que tous projetons sur les autres. Elles représentent aussi le démon qui dors en nous et qui veux ce réveiller.

A la fin, nous sommes maitres de nos rêves, de notre créativité et imagination. C’est à nous de façonner notre propre réalité et de faire en sorte qu’elle devient réelle à nos yeux. Peut importe ce que vous penser, n’oubliez pas que l’être humain est un être égoïste. Qu’il en soit conscient ou inconscient dépend pour chaque individu. Il est très important de suivre nos passions toute en acceptant les conséquences et de vivre sans regret pour nous même avant tout.

jeudi 27 novembre 2008

Le Chant de la Melancolie

Seul dans les ténèbres tu marche... le cœur arraché.

Un vide tellement grand que même ta plus grande passion n’a plus d’intérêt a tes yeux.

Une haine tellement grande que tu ne souhaite pas la mort de ceux que tu as aimé simplement pour les voir souffrir.

Un désespoir si grand que les ténèbres te semblerai préférable a tout ce qui t’entour.

Aucun passé car tu la déjà oublié, aucun future car tu n’a plus de rêve. Juste un simple présent, froid et inerte. Un cœur remplie d'illusion, de déception et de mensonge.

Être abandonné puis oublié par les seules personnes que tu as aimées. N’avoir personne pour te réchauffer ou t’accompagner.

Seul dans le néant, un vent glacial passe alors que je m’éteins tranquillement a petit feu. Incertain de ce que je recherche, de l’attention, de l’affection ou simplement une personne qui puisse me comprendre, je continue à errer tel un fantôme sur ces terres.

Si vous trouvez mon cœur, je vous prie de me le redonner. Merci.

The Demon

Inside the heart, the demon roar with rage like a restless beast. He is tired of waiting, he want blood tonight. It's heart is cold and emotionless. He care for nothing but it's own pleasure. He stare at the horizon with it's blazing red eyes.

Everything seem like a easy prey for him. However, heavy black metal chains restrain him. Like some kind of hellish jail, he is confined to this place for the eternity. Should he ever get free, he would devour the soul of it's owner before laying waste around him. Destroy everything he ever loved then dooming him to eternal damnation.

The beast roar once more as it try to free itself from the chains. Darkness, emptiness, loneliness and sadness all fill the heart of it's owner. Each seconds the heart is weakening, bringing him closer to it's freedom.

However, it's owner know better than that. While it would pain himself to do so, he would rather die than leaving the beast rampant.

Moi, tout simplement

Je vais vous parlez un peu de moi, de mes quelques bon côté, question de faire changement aux plaintes de mon cœur.

Je suis une personne avec un esprit très ouvert et curieux. Rêveur, j'aime démystifier les énigmes de l'univers. J'adore rire et philosopher sur pratiquement n'importe quoi! J'adore également tout ce qui est absurde et j'avoue être un peu controversé à l'occasion.

J'aime beaucoup la musique, en particulier le punk rock. J'aime aussi les comédiens Québécois, comme François Pérusse et Real Béland. J'aime rêvasser sur diverses choses ou crée mes propre théories et conspirations.

Je suis une personne à la fois timide et franche, qui n'hésite pas à dire ce qu'il ressent, pour le meilleur et le pire. J'ai une passion particulière pour tout ce qui est occulte, paranormal, sombre, gothique ou tabou.

J'aime manger pratiquement n'importe quoi à l'exception des légumineuses et quelques légumes, comme les navets. J'aime particulièrement les côtes levées, crevettes à l'ail, soumarins ainsi qu'une variété de choses malsaine pour la santé. Finalement, j'adore les cerises!

Physiquement, je mesure 5'5", et pèse environ 150 lbs. J’ai les cheveux et yeux bruns. Le monde me dît souvent que je ressemble à Jim Carrey.

Je pense que c'est un bon résumé de qui je suis. Si vous désirez en connaitre d'avantage ou simplement chatter, je vous invite tous à me contacter par courriel ou MSN a Mirador101@hotmail.com

Lyric: Boulevard Of Broken Dreams


That the last one for today. This one really show how I am feeling right now. Boulevard Of Broken Dreams by Green Day.

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Lyric: Fat Lip


I really like the rhythm of that one, it's Fat Lip also know as Casualty of Society by Sum 41.

Storming through the party like my name was El Niño
When I'm hanging out drinking in the back of an El Camino
As a kid, I was a skid and no one knew me by name.
I trashed my own house party cause nobody came.

I know I'm not the one you thought you knew back in high school
Never going, never showing up when we had to.
attention that we crave don't tell us to behave,
I'm sick of always hearing act your age.

I don't want to waste my time
become another casualty of society.
I'll never fall in line
Become another victim of your conformity
And back down.

Because you don't
Know us at all we laugh when old people fall.
But what would you expect with a conscience so small.
Heavy metal and mullets it's how we were raised.
Maiden and Priest were the gods that we praised

Cause we like having fun at other peoples expense and,
Cutting people down is just a minor offense then,
It's none of your concern, I guess I'll never learn.
I'm sick of being told to wait my turn.

I don't want to waste my time
become another casualty of society.
I'll never fall in line
Become another victim of your conformity
And back down.

Don't count on me, to let you know when.
Don't count on me, I'll do it again.
Don't count on me, it's the point you're missing.
Don't count on me, cause I'm not listening.

Well I'm a no goodnick lower middle class brat,
Back packed and I don't give a shit about nothing.
You be standing on the corner talking all that kufuffin.
But you don't make sense from all the gas you be huffing.
Cause if the egg don't stain you'll be ringing off the hook,
You're on the hit list wanted in the telephone book.
I like songs with distortion, to drink in proportion.
The doctor* said my mom should have had an abortion.

I don't want to waste my time
become another casualty of society.
I'll never fall in line
Become another victim of your conformity
And back down.

Waste my time with them
Casualty of society.
Waste my time again,
Victim of your conformity
And back down.

Lyric: Dead!


My Chemical Romance is without doubt my favorite music group, so here the lyric of a song that I really like from them, Dead!

Yeah!

And if your heart stops beating
I'll be here wondering did you get what you deserve?
The ending of your life
And if you get to heaven
I'll be here waiting, babe
Did you get what you deserve?
The end, and if your life won't wait
Then your heart can't take this

Have you heard the news that you're dead?
No one ever had much nice to say
I think they never liked you anyway
Oh take me from the hospital bed
Wouldn't it be grand? It ain't exactly what you planned.
And wouldn't it be great If we were dead?
Ohh dead.

Tongue-tied and oh so squeamish
You never fell in love
Did you get what you deserve?
The ending of your life
And if you get to heaven
I'll be here waiting, babe
Did you get what you deserve?
The end, and if your life won't wait
Then your heart can't take this

Have you heard the news that you're dead?
No one ever had much nice to say
I think they never liked you anyway
Oh take me from the hospital bed
Wouldn't it be grand to take a pistol by the hand?
And wouldn't it be great if we were dead?

And in my honest observation
During this operation
Found a complication in your heart
So long, 'Cause now you've got (now you've got)
Maybe just two weeks to live
Is that the most the both of you can give?

One, two, one two three four!

LA LA LA LA LA!
LA LA LA LA LA LA!
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!
Well come on,

LA LA LA LA LA!
LA LA LA LA LA LA!
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!
Oh motherfucker,

If life ain't just a joke (LA LA LA LA LA!)
Then why are we laughing? (LA LA LA LA LA LA!)
If life ain't just a joke (LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!)
Then why are we laughing?

If life ain't just a joke (LA LA LA LA LA!)
Then why are we laughing? (LA LA LA LA LA LA!)
If life ain't just a joke (LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!)
Then why am I dead?
DEAD!

Lyric: Miss Murder


Today I thought that I would post the lyric of some of my favorite songs, so I decided to start with Miss Murder from AFI.

Hey Miss Murder can I,
Hey Miss Murder can I,
Make beauty stay if I
Take my life?

With just a look they shook,
And heavens bowed before him,
Simply a look can break your heart.

The stars that pierced the sky,
He left them all behind,
We’re left to wonder why,
He left us all
Behind.

Hey Miss Murder can I,
Hey Miss Murder can I,
Make beauty stay if I
Take my life?

Dreams of his crash won’t pass,
Oh how they all adored him,
Beauty will last when spiraled down.

The stars that mystifed,
He left them all behind.
And how his children cried,
He left us all
Behind.

Hey Miss Murder can I,
Hey Miss Murder can I,
Make beauty stay if I
Take my life?

What's the hook, the twist,
Within this verbose mystery?
I would gladly bet my life upon it.

That the ghost you love, your ray of light,
Will fizzle out,
Without hope.

We're the empty set just floating through,
wraped in skin.
Ever searching for what we were promised.
Reaching for the golden ring we'd never let go,
Who would ever let us put our filthy hands upon it?

Hey Miss Murder can I,
Hey Miss Murder can I,
Make beauty stay if I
Take my life?

Hey Miss Murder can I,
Hey Miss Murder can I,
Make beauty stay if I
Take my life?

mercredi 26 novembre 2008

Another gloomy day

Here we are, just another wretched day like all other. *Sighs deeply* But hey, I have a reason to be so negative this month! It's well know that November is the worse month for depression. If only it would last only one month..

So anyway, I am lying down, resting alone as time flies. Counting every hours, every minutes, every seconds.. Well I usually don't count seconds, time is long enough like that. But seriously, there is so many thing we can do, yet so meaningless at the same time. Giving a meaning to some thing so I actually want to do it is probably one of my greatest weakness.

Imagine if someone would remove all meanings from everything you have, want or hold dear. This is how I am feeling right now. Doing nothing as nothing matter to me, just waiting for another day to finish..

So here, I am trying my best to give some meaning to this blog, even if I only had 3 visitors so far. In the end, I suppose that the main goal is to express myself, which I am doing pretty well I guess. Sometime I reread what I wrote and a small smiles appear in my face. I amaze myself with the time and effort I put in this little blog. However, I often wish I had more interesting thing to write about.

Black and White; Love and Hate

I think that someone cannot even understand how close love is to hate if they did not lost someone they cherished because of her action and hidden lie. Truth might hurt but lie destroy. As soon as you lie to someone, you break it's trust and then the relation you have with him.

Ironically, the one that I loved the most is also the one I hate the most. Every single thing make me think about this person and how sweet was the illusion I was living in. And with that, come the deception, the deception that everything was fake.

Sorrow is all that come to me when I think about this and the only thing that can stench my sadness is this strange hate. I can only hope that one day she will feel like I am right now.

I hope that with time I will be able to erase her from my memory like she did for me.

That girl side of mine

As I was resting in my bed yesterday, I was thinking about this... While I am a geek and kinda hardcore gamer I really have some girlish side in me. It's pretty hard to explain but sometime I have such strange thoughts about girl.

I admire them so very much that sometime I am even jealous of them. They are beautiful, sexy and so attractive. You just want to cuddle and feel their warm body against your or your lips on their. *Sighs deeply*

Sometime I feel like I am some gray stone looking for diamond, or Gollum looking for his precious (Lord Of The Ring). But honestly, I am so envious of the very charm that every girl have. I know that girl have their share of own trouble but still... I guess that some could say that I have low esteem of myself, and while not totally false, my vision could probably apply to every men I know.

Yes, that might sound weird but I kinda wish I was born as a girl.

mardi 25 novembre 2008

Breaking my skin

Since I made that blog about me being a vampire I got myself thinking: what do my blood taste like? Of course, the easiest way would be to cut myself but actually, it's not that easy when you never done that.

Also, if you are not careful, you probably can catch some sickness. Still I was wondering about it so I wanted to test. I started with a knife on my wrist. However, the cold iron could not break my skin easily, it was more painful than anything else. Perhaps the knife was not enough sharp or I did not put enough pressure. I mean, I am sure you can bleed with about anything, even with a spoon, but you need to be pretty minded to success with that.

At the end, I only ended with redness and some irritations. The next day I tested with a razor blade then a needle. Again, I ended with some more irritations and could not do much with the needle.

Perhaps I still lack of focus and willpower for that at this time, or I am not using the correct tool. *sighs* Yet, that question is still in my head: What do it taste? I can only guess that I will have to try harder the next time.

To love or not to love

Sometime I wonder what kind of person I would like to be with. Someone which I could trust, share my thought and with who we could travel together in this wretched world. This is not easy as deception is sure to come no matter what and the greater your passion and devotion toward someone, the worse it feel.

At first I thought about someone kind of like me, open minded, with great humor sense, understanding, honest, a bit dreamy, that like simple thing, that aren't afraid of dark and who share the same interests as mine, such as music, anime and Internet. But then, when you think about it, you will see that the odd to find such girl is so low that it's anything but a dream. Also, should I find such person, it would be too easy for me to devote myself to her which would only lead to deeper deception at the end.

Today, most girl want to travel, have a house with children, go out in concert, etc. Well there is nothing wrong with that, but I don't need this to be happy. All I need is to be loved for who I am.

So I was thinking, what should I do then? Perhaps I should search the other way. What if I find a nice girl to be with, no matter her interest or passion. We could share some times together, having someone we trust in our life but without interfering with each other passion and interest.

So, rather to be the center of our universe, we could simply share some parts of our little world. We could see each other but it should never interfere with friendship, family, work, etc. When I think about it, it would be kinda like a mix of best friend and lover without the obligation of the last one.

Well, that the main idea. Perhaps it's unrealistic idea, well that would not be the first time either! In the end, I know that there will be pain and deception no matter what kind of relation we are in, but still I think it could worth a try.

lundi 24 novembre 2008

A virtual life

If you did read my previous blog, you probably remember that I already talked about MMORPG (which stand for Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game). Those MMORPG games are like small virtual reality. Each games are different but at the end, in most of them you command a character that can do various actions, such as moving around and talking with other users pretty much like real life.

So I guess that in some ways, those smaller worlds are like the real world. That probably one of the few good things I will say about this world, at least you can try different smaller worlds, even if they are only virtual and temporary.

In fact, when you think about it, the real life is temporary too and is as virtual as anything else. Actually something virtual is something that is not real. But what is real? The software is real no? What do we know about our whole existance, perhaps we are not even real? Just like any virtual games, life is full of illusion.

Of course, real life actions and consequences are more likely to affect any virtual worlds than the inverse as the virtual world is part of real life while real life aren't part of any virtual world (except perhaps one that is much bigger, but what do we know about it?). At the end, it's only a hobbit, a time killer, something to distract our mind. But then, what is life? Aren't we here to have some fun as well, to enjoy our stay?

It's easy to change a game you don't enjoy, but life is a whole other story.

Perhaps I am some kinds of Vampire?

No, I don't drink blood. Well, at least not the one from random peoples *Chuckles*. But after talking with one of my friend I noticed some things quite interesting about how I am.

It seem like I feed on some kinds of energy from peoples around me. Those that are happy and positive slowly become depressive and usually end up in not wanted to see or talk to me. In the end I usually don't get too well with them anyway.

However, the inverse is also true! It seem that dark minded and negative peoples spark my mind with some interest and strange energy. It make me somewhat happier inside my heart, perhaps because I see someone that think like I do.

I consider myself like some kinds of philosopher, I am often lost in my own thought and strange dark theories but when I see someone that don't think I am just some crazy guy but instead involve oneself into the story and theory, a little smiles appear in my face *Grins*.

Sadly for me, those kind of peoples are just too rare around me. You know, when I think about it... it's quite strange that optimist peoples aren't able to support me but pessimist one do!

Now, if that is not enough to be called a vampire, I guess I just have to go on some dark street dressed in black and drink someone else blood! *Evil Grins*